Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Even Sergi had no Answer

If truth is the first casualty of war , then surely Hertz rent a car will claim the car I have at the moment as a victim of war crimes. An innocent sedan whose life has been shattered and Sergi my man at the car wash looked deep into my eyes and shook his head, there was nothing that either he or Ivan could do.
They had tried the special spray, blasting the car with high pressure, scrubbing with a brush and even thought about running the car through the car wash a second time free of charge. The Tunnel Car Wash takes pride in its claim to be the best and yet there was nothing they could do.
It looks like the only saalvation will be a protracted Insurance claim by Hertz wanting to know just exactly what happened to their car.
The report will read something like this.

Letter to Hertz Rent a Car Insurance Division

"During the recent Israel/Lebanon war your vehicle was used on the frontlines, sorry we forgot to mention that when we hired it. During one afternoon cannot remember which day , the Hezbollah had fired a particulary heavy barrage of Katusah rockets into Israel. One of these rockets exploded near an Israeli Tank Parking area. In fact not that close but in between the now burning undergrowth and the tanks, were the refuelling tankers, you know those big fuel tankers used for hauling petrol and diesel, so here are flames rapidly approaching thousands of litres of highly flammable explosive fuel.
Fox News dispatched a team in the aforementioned car who raced to the scene.
Now unbeknown to our team and your car, the Israeli Military had called in a firefighting plane with red fire retardant gel to extinguish the flames before they got to the fuel tankers.
Now somehow the pilot hit the button to release the retardant a little bit earlier than he should of and as a result the car was totally covered in red gel glob masses of this retardant.
Yes we admit totally to the extent that if a passing Doctor had been passing he would of diagnosed a severe almost terminal case of Chicken Pox.
Now all local car washes in the North were closed due to War, a reasonable excuse not to open. So for a week or so in the heat of summer this retardant with chemicals unknown to mankind without a security clearance has been baked on to the car.
We have tried to clean it up, but hope that you will in the National Spirit of War and being all together in the fight against terrorism, that you will see the damage to your car as an act of International Terrorism and thus accordingly take Hezbollah to a UN sanctioned war crime tribunal to seek damages and not blame us for getting your car sprayed with red dots that even Sergi could not clean."


Anonymous said...

Somehow I don't think Herz has received too many letters like that....Humor is good to have in times like these too.

Tammy said...

I work in customer service and i admit that this is the "best excuse" I have heard in a long time. It is good to find humore in the things you cannot control. Take care.

WiseDawn said...


Huge GRIN!!

Scarlet said...

Mal, that's gonna end up being one of those forwarded email thingies! You'll be an internet star!

NewsJunkie said...

I'm laughing so hard imagining the person reading that letter...

It is good to find humor in things like this.

Anonymous said...

Maybe they won't notice! Or you could try "Oh that was there before."
Somehow I don't think either will work.
Good luck!